


The VelociJedi

by radioactivesaltghoul



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The VelociPastor (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/M, Hooker Doctor Lawyer Rey, Jedi Ben Solo, No Pregnancy, Safe to Read if You're Triggered by Pregnancy, The VelociPastor AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:14:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22979707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radioactivesaltghoul/pseuds/radioactivesaltghoul
Summary: Something strange is happening to Ben. First, he wakes in a bed that is decidedly not his own, unable to remember how he got there. Next, a woman claiming to be a hooker doctor lawyer tells him that he turned into a dinosaur and saved his life. Nothing in his Jedi training could have prepared him for this.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 47
Kudos: 33
Collections: Reylo Hidden Gems





	The VelociJedi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HarpiaHarpyja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarpiaHarpyja/gifts), [MissCoppelia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCoppelia/gifts), [QueenOfCarrotFlowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfCarrotFlowers/gifts), [persimonne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/gifts).



> I watched [this glorious movie](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1843303/) and my dumbass reaction was “wait, there’s a reylo au in there somewhere." The individuals @-ed on this are all complicit in making this au happen.
> 
> Some of this dialog is lifted pretty much straight from the movie because it’s too good to pass up.
> 
> (And yes, I made a moodboard solely so that I had the excuse to photoshop a lightsaber into a velociraptor's hand.)

Jedi Master Ben Solo blinked awake, trying to figure out what was wrong. His room back at the Jedi Temple didn’t have this much natural lighting. At least, not this early in the morning.

Assuming it _was_ still morning. Why hadn’t Tai woken him up for morning meditation? It wasn’t like him to skip the most important start of any Jedi’s morning.

No, the lighting wasn’t the problem; Ben was definitely not in his room. He couldn’t even be sure he was still in the same system as the new Jedi Temple, because these were definitely not his sheets or his bed, either.

He pushed himself into a sitting position, trying to recall what had happened the night before, then yelped as he realized there was someone else in the room. “You’re awake,” said the young human woman sitting on the end of the bed. She was wearing a simple green dress, sipping a mug of something that smelled like caf.

Had she been watching him sleep?

“Who are you?” Ben demanded, embarrassed by the noise he’d made when she’d surprised him. It was hard to sneak up on a Jedi, particularly one as tuned to the Force as he was.

“Rey.” She seemed nervous. When he reached out with the Force, he encountered the sort of block that most Force-sensitives automatically used. Interesting. Still didn’t answer any of his questions.

“Last night was amazing,” she said in a hushed voice.

It was that moment when Ben realized he was naked and that Jedi were forbidden from having carnal relations of any sort.

“Oh,” he said. “Oh.” She was looking at him expectantly. Did she expect another round? Was that why she was sitting on the end of the bed?

If so, he had to nip this in the bud. “Let’s be clear: this can never happen again,” he said, trying to put as much authority in his voice as possible. He was _Jedi_ , for Force’s sake! Why did he feel so disarmed by this young woman? Sure, he was surprised to meet a Force-sensitive human who hadn’t become a member of the Jedi Order, but it wasn’t like he didn’t know how to defend himself from an untrained Force-sensitive human a decade younger than himself.

“So it was just a one-time thing?” she asked. Her tone was too even to give any indication as to how she felt about the pronouncement, making him even more frustrated that he couldn’t get a read on her through the Force.

“Yes,” he said, nodding emphatically. “Honestly, it never should have happened at all. I’m a Jedi. This kind of thing is completely forbidden for me.”

Rey snickered. “That’s for damn sure.”

Ben probably shouldn’t have felt so insulted by her tone, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Oh? Was it...bad?”

What the hell had happened last night to make him black out so hard that he had sex with this random young woman? And why did he feel so put-out by the fact that he couldn’t remember it? Not that he’d ever given much thought to having sex—following that part of the Jedi Code had never been an issue for him—but if he was going to do it, he’d like to remember it.

Specifically, he’d like to remember it with _her_ , because there was something compelling about the way she—

Rey’s answer didn’t exactly put him at ease. “It was weird.”

_Weird how?_ Ben wanted to ask. “Oh,” was all he said.

If she’d noticed the emotional whirlwind he was in at the moment, she didn’t say anything about it. “Honestly, it all happened so quickly. I was so scared. I think I even peed myself a little.”

That was the exact opposite of one wanted to hear about sex they had while blacked out. “Was it your first time, too?” he asked weakly.

“Yeah.”

It was something of a relief to learn that it had been a mutual first time, even if she had been scared. He probably had been, too. “Well, as I said, I’m a Jedi, so we can never say—”

“Wait, what are you even talking about?” Rey asked, frowning.

What else could he have been talking about? “What are you talking about?” he asked. Answering a question with another question was a classic Jedi deflection technique that he was well-versed in.

“That time you turned into a dinosaur and ate someone.”

She said it so matter-of-fact that it took a moment for the words to sink in, and then Ben didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or throw up. “ _What?_ ” he said, unable to think of any other word in Galactic Basic. “What?” Never mind the fact that dinosaurs had never existed on any planet; the Jedi knew that nothing had existed before the Force, and anyone who said otherwise was simply buying into anti-Jedi propaganda.

Something shifted in Rey’s expression. Now she looked just as confused as he felt. “You don’t remember, do you?”

Ben frowned, searching his memory. The last thing he remembered was an awkward conversation with Luke, getting on a ship headed for Corellia, and then a lot of hunger. Strange hunger. “I remember some sort of nightmare,” he said slowly.

Actually, he was pretty sure he was still in the nightmare.

“You must have blacked out,” Rey said. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

He reached further back into his memory. Like all Jedi, he maintained a strict vegetarian diet, which made the pre-blackout cravings he’d had for meat so strange. “Hunger,” he told her. “But it doesn’t matter. I don’t believe you. Dinosaurs never existed in any system. Even if they did, I didn’t transform into one.”

Despite the amount of authority he poured into his tone, Rey rolled her eyes. “I can take you to the body,” she said, sounding unimpressed. “If you need proof.”

He didn’t want proof. What he wanted was to wake up from this weird nightmare back in the Jedi Temple, in his own uncomfortably small bed. Maybe seeing the body would be so weird that it jolted him awake.

There was one small problem. “Do you have anything I could wear?”

* * *

Rey counted her steps as she and Ben walked through the woods. Well, _she_ was walking; he was stomping around, looking like a right idiot in the only dress she owned that would reasonably fit him. She forced herself to focus on counting her steps back to where she’d buried the remains of the body Ben had eaten; otherwise she was going to end up staring at him, wondering if the dress was small enough to ride up and give her a glance at his—

Anyway. Steps. Counting them. She could hear the Jedi muttering about “waking up from this nightmare” behind her. She would have corrected him, but he didn’t seem to be in a state to listen to reason right now.

439, 440, 441, 442… ”Found it,” she said, pausing at the 443rd step. She pushed some leaves aside with her mind, just enough to reveal a dismembered arm. The levitation trick had come in handy last night; she was certainly no expert on dead bodies, but she knew it was bad to touch one.

“Fucking hell,” Ben said, flinching at the limb. “By the Force, you covered it up with _leaves_?”

“Well, it’s not like I knew what else to do!” she shouted, unable to keep her temper from rising. “I couldn’t call the cops. What was I going to tell them, I saw a dinosaur eat the man who was trying to mug me? You saved my life last night, Ben! I couldn’t turn you in.”

“You should have!” he shouted. “Rey, I _killed_ someone. I can’t—the Jedi don’t—”

“Oh, _fuck_ the Jedi,” she snarled. “You did a good thing. He would have killed both of us if you hadn’t eaten him.”

“Why didn’t you call the cops when he first approached you?” he asked, voice bordering on hysterical. “Isn’t Corellia supposed to be safe?”

She scoffed. “Maybe if you’re in a different line of work than I am.”

“And what would that be?”

“I’m a hooker doctor lawyer.”

Rey was neither proud nor ashamed of her chosen profession. It was what it was. She hadn’t been able to decide between pre-med and pre-law at the University of Corellia, but her scholarship would only cover one, and it wasn’t as if she had rich parents to fall back on. She’d stowed away on a ship off of Jakku when she was a child and ended up on Corellia. Sex work wasn’t the safest profession, given its complete lack of safety standards and legal protections, but it paid pretty well, and Rey was good at it.

She was good at the pre-med and pre-law thing as well, but nobody seemed to be interested in that.

It was almost worth the whole argument to see the look on Ben’s face as he reacted to that information. She’d never seen someone turn so red.

And then he opened his mouth and she regretted saying anything at all.

“A _hooker_?” It had been a while since Rey had gotten that reaction from someone. “I’m wearing the dress of a _hooker_?”

“Hooker _doctor lawyer_ ,” she corrected. “I do more than just sex work.” The dress was a weird thing to get hung up on, but she supposed it was the most innocent aspect of the situation.

“I can’t—This is—Will you just wake me up already?” Ben shouted into the sky. Was this how all Jedi talked to the Force? Was talking to the Force even a part of normal Jedi activities? There was so much about this that Rey didn’t know. Her own Force-sensitivity was a part of her that she’d kept under wraps. No one had cared about it on Jakku, and no one cared about it on Corellia.

“You’re not dreaming,” she said. “Haven’t you realized it yet? This is your life now, Ben. You transformed into a dinosaur and ate someone, saving _my_ life in the process.”

“I refuse to accept this. Dinosaurs aren’t real.” Was it Rey’s imagination, or did he sound slightly less convinced? Maybe the truth was starting to sink in now that he’d seen the body.

She had to take a chance to convince him that this was good. “Maybe this is a gift from the Force,” she said. She wanted to step closer to him, but that would probably spook him. “Don’t you see? Your Force has brought us together to use these powers to fight crime on Corellia.”

For a moment, she thought it would work. Her heart pounded as hope rose within her for the first time since she could remember. Rey wasn’t sure she believed in the Force as the Jedi did, but she believed that this meeting was fated to happen. “Think about it. We’re both Force-sensitive. I know Corellia’s seedy underbelly. I know who to go after. You could do so much good for the galaxy, Ben.” She paused, eyes roaming his expression for a reaction. “ _We_ could do so much good for the galaxy.”

That last line was apparently too much for Ben. “No,” he said, stepping backwards. “No, I can’t. This can never— _will_ never happen again. I have to—I have to return to the Jedi Temple. I have lessons to teach.”

Rey watched as he stumbled backwards then took off, running as fast as he could while holding the hem of the dress in place. “Well, fuck,” she said, waving a hand to cover the half-eaten remains up again.

He’d be back. Despite his words to the contrary, she didn’t think he hated the situation as much as he said he did. There was a darkness in him, just as there was in her. Maybe he pretended otherwise when he was with all the other Jedi, but he couldn’t hide it from her.

Together, she knew, they would be unstoppable.

**Author's Note:**

> I make no guarantees that I’ll be able to add onto this au, as much as I love it.
> 
> I am radioactivesaltghoul on [tumblr](https://radioactivesaltghoul.tumblr.com/) and [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/radioactivesaltghoul) and r_saltghoul on [twitter](https://twitter.com/r_saltghoul).


End file.
